Monday, October 7, 2013

Yummy Scallops..mmm!

We went with friends to the Scallop festival in Whitianga; a charming seaside town in the Coromandal District.

Had a great time...5000 people, lots of wine, scallops of course and all manner of yummy sea food.
There were a number of bands, both jazz and rock.

They ran a competition for the best 'Scallop ode' although I missed entering, I gave it a go and got printed in the local rag.

The Mammoth Mollusc. By John Glasse.

I went for a dive with my fisherman mate,
We planned for 5 but left at 8,
We soon found our spot in Mercury Bay;
A special place where the scallops lay.

My friend said c’mon let’s make haste
As he strapped lead weights upon my waist.
As down we dived for scallop gold
The strangest sight we did behold.

A scallop we spied half hidden by weed
A mammoth mollusc we both agreed.
‘It’s huge, it’s enormous,’ gasped my mate
Twice as big as a dinner plate.

We both tried to lift it but had no effect,
So my mate said to me, ‘hang on just a sec,’
He was up to his boat then back down again,
Clasped in his hands a large anchor chain.

With the chain tied round that invertebrate,
The boat engine grumbled and so did my mate
For that clam stayed put, nothing would budge it,
So I said damn and me mate said fudge it.

We tried one last time by using a shackle,
Then hooked the chain to the boat’s block an’ tackle,
Calamity ensued as pulley and cable,
Started to bend and appeared most unstable.

‘That’s it’ cried my friend I will not be beaten,
This super sized scallop is going to be eaten
He bashed that old mollusc with a two by four
While I grabbed a spanner and bashed it some more.

The only thing hurting was our fisherman’s pride
Then the shell began opening; we both peered inside.
Hard to believe but I can’t tell a lie
There sat a crab with a beer and a pie,

‘Good morning,’ he said, with a wave of his claw,
‘All of that banging has made my head sore’
His pincers pinched me and I began screaming,
Then I heard my mate’s voice, ‘Wake up, you’ve been dreaming.’


  1. I'm not sure if you'll be elected NZ's Poet Laureate, but I enjoyed meeting the crab. The Scallop Festival sounds just my cup of tea. The nearest we have here, at the moment, is a Chestnut Festival; not quite the same!

    1. to which I reply, with the classic retort, your bum is too big and your legs are too short

  2. Your blog is outrageous! I mean, I've never been so entertained by anything in my life! Your videos are perfect for this. I mean, how did you manage to find something that matches your style of writing so well? I'm really happy I started reading this today. You've got a follower in me for sure!

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    1. Oh dear, I see you attracted one of these idiots (above).

      Are you still alive; long time no blog!