The amazing, hilarious wonderful bottom.
I have often wondered why when you mention certain words to small children they giggle uncontrollably. Take ‘bottom’ for example, a somewhat obscure word that is used to describe the base or end of an object. ‘The bottom of the boat’, or ‘put it in the bottom drawer’, are perfectly sane sentences not at all amusing least of all to children of average intelligence. Not so when the same word refers to the end or base of a person. In that context the quite ordinary, unobtrusive word, ‘bottom’ takes on a life of its own. The ordinary common or garden bottom for some strange reason becomes highly hilarious to small children. It’s a known fact, the more you say it the harder they laugh. This same phenomenon is not produced with similar meaning words like, rear-end, bum or backside. Why is that? I suppose the word posterior could be considered mildly amusing but it does not deliver the same impact as bottom.
As a child I well remember clutching my stomach, falling on the floor in convulsions of merriment at the mention of someone’s bottom. (do I need therapy?) At family get-togethers a naughty older cousin took great delight in making up a rude rhyme about my poor Uncle Otto. He always waited until I was standing next to my Uncle and then whispered in my ear, ‘Otto’s botto sits on potto’. Although the rhyme would not have won any poetry competitions or placed my cousin in the running for the youngest ever poet laureate, to me it was the funniest thing I had ever heard.
Talking of whispering reminds me of a very funny story that was told by Irish comedian, Dave Allen. His father did not like the word ‘fart’. The first time Dave heard the word was when he was about three years old. He was watching a cowman milking and the cow farted. ‘What was that?’ He asked. The cowman replied, ‘The cow farted’. It was just a word; as if he’d said ‘what’s that on the tree?’ and he’d said ‘bark’.
Dave’s family had a dog called Tuppy, because he was bought for tuppence. One day as Dave walked past him, he heard the same noise and said ‘Tuppy farted’. His father said, ‘Where did you hear that?’ and Dave said ‘It came from his bottom’. Young Dave’s dad had a way of getting around the word. He would say, ‘Who whispered?’ and everyone totally accepted the euphemism. That is until one day when Dave’s Granny, said, ‘Come here David and whisper in Granny’s ear’.
Frankly I am surprised that marketing gurus have not pounced on bottoms as a sales gimmick. Kids would not be able to resist jellied or chocolate (perhaps not chocolate) or lolly pop bottoms. As a child I considered the late great Spike Milligan to be the greatest comedian in the World for his famous words in ‘Badjelly the witch’. ‘His trousers fell down, and off he went to bare bottom land.’ We should thank him for creating glorious, spluttering, irrepressible mirth in the minds of young children. I thank the man from the bottom of my bottom, and I take this opportunity to propose a toast saying ‘bottoms up’ to my Uncle Otto on behalf of all naughty words that make us laugh...