Monday, October 7, 2013
Yummy Scallops..mmm!
Had a great time...5000 people, lots of wine, scallops of course and all manner of yummy sea food.
There were a number of bands, both jazz and rock.
They ran a competition for the best 'Scallop ode' although I missed entering, I gave it a go and got printed in the local rag.
The Mammoth Mollusc. By John Glasse.
I went for a dive with my fisherman mate,
We planned for 5 but left at 8,
We soon found our spot in Mercury Bay;
A special place where the scallops lay.
My friend said c’mon let’s make haste
As he strapped lead weights upon my waist.
As down we dived for scallop gold
The strangest sight we did behold.
A scallop we spied half hidden by weed
A mammoth mollusc we both agreed.
‘It’s huge, it’s enormous,’ gasped my mate
Twice as big as a dinner plate.
We both tried to lift it but had no effect,
So my mate said to me, ‘hang on just a sec,’
He was up to his boat then back down again,
Clasped in his hands a large anchor chain.
With the chain tied round that invertebrate,
The boat engine grumbled and so did my mate
For that clam stayed put, nothing would budge it,
So I said damn and me mate said fudge it.
We tried one last time by using a shackle,
Then hooked the chain to the boat’s block an’ tackle,
Calamity ensued as pulley and cable,
Started to bend and appeared most unstable.
‘That’s it’ cried my friend I will not be beaten,
This super sized scallop is going to be eaten
He bashed that old mollusc with a two by four
While I grabbed a spanner and bashed it some more.
The only thing hurting was our fisherman’s pride
Then the shell began opening; we both peered inside.
Hard to believe but I can’t tell a lie
There sat a crab with a beer and a pie,
‘Good morning,’ he said, with a wave of his claw,
‘All of that banging has made my head sore’
His pincers pinched me and I began screaming,
Then I heard my mate’s voice, ‘Wake up, you’ve been dreaming.’
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
'weigh to go'
For BROTHER and SISTER
Matt Glasse (35) and his sister Sarah Crawford (43) grew up on farms in Hawkes Bay and the Bay of Plenty. “We rushed about playing with our two sisters, helping Dad and doing the things farm kids do. ”say’s Matt “It was a healthy lifestyle; we were just average size kids.”
Sarah remained slim into her teens and early adulthood, whereas Matt remembers sitting in assembly at high school, thinking...“my thighs are twice as wide as the other guys.” By the time he left school and entered the work force he was 6’ 4” and affectionately known as ‘Big Matt’.
Self conscious, Matt confesses to eating too much and avoiding exercise. “I hid my body beneath bulky jackets even in summer. I ate everything in moderation, McDonalds, KFC and Burger King. I considered Pizza Hut ‘All you can eat for $10.50’ a worthy challenge.” he jokes.
In 2006, married, living in Rotorua and about to become a Dad, Matt, weighed in at an alarming 163kg. “I suddenly realised if I ran around with my first child I would probably suffer a heart attack.” Something had to change.
Failing to be impressed by costly dieting options, his GP provided the answer. “The doctor prescribed four words, ‘Energy in, energy out’.” Matt explains “It was very simple; I had to either change my diet to take in less energy, or exercise to burn the energy off.” He decided to concentrate on the ‘energy out’ option, as well as some dietary adjustments.
Matt began by walking around the block, widening the circuit a little each time. Following some months with this regime he began to jog then run. When he moved with his wife and two girls to Whakatane in 2008 he was running up to 10k, 3 times a week.
Meanwhile Sarah, living in Ngongotaha with husband Andrew and three children weighed in at a life threatening 175kg. “The weight had just loaded on bit by bit, year after year.” Sarah confesses, “I felt like life was passing me by, I was deeply ashamed and I covered my lack of self love by being the quintessential fat jolly person.”
Sarah got what she calls ‘My 41 year old shocking reality check’. She tearfully admits, “One day I just didn’t recognise the person in the mirror, I got so angry with myself for letting this happen.”
Despite her busy life as wife and mum, Sarah began walking daily in the Rotorua Redwoods. “I found it very hard at first but after a while began to enjoy the exercise, now my daily walk is amazing.” She adds, “I drastically changed my diet, watching what I ate and how much.”
Encouragement from friends and family and her strong faith were invaluable. “People could see a change in me and their positive comments washed away the old negatives.”
Brother and sister began their journey with a combined weight of 338kg. Today they joke “We have each lost the equivalent of twice the weight of our 89 year old Nana.
Matt has lost 53kg; he feels good at just over 100kg but believes he should still lose a further 10kg. Sarah lost over 80kg, she hit a plateau a few months ago at 95kg but her weight is slowly dropping again. She also would like to lose another 10 to 15kg. They have literally walked the talk.
Now Matt enjoys energetic, fun times with his two daughters. He has competed twice in Whakatane’s Toi Challenge race and is planning to take on a marathon.
Sarah says “Until you have your own ‘light bulb moment’ and realise that this is not merely a diet, or an exercise regime, it is a forever lifestyle change...nobody will convince you to stick with it.”
When Matt completed the gruelling 18k Toi and Sarah finished well up in the placings at this year’s Rotorua quarter marathon, their family were there to cheer them over the finishing lines. An amazing achievement and one that personally makes me so proud...
I was there, I’m their Dad.
Matt’s says:
1. Don’t do it for other people, do it for you.
2. My motto is ‘add an hour’. Get up one hour earlier and walk.
3. Make a graph of your weight loss.
4. Motivate yourself ‘get up, get motivated and get moving’.
5. Don't make excuses NOT to do it, have reasons to do it.
Sarah’s says:
1. You do not need special equipment or a personal coach,
2. Scout out your local walking tracks, explore them, enjoy them.
3. Get out and exercise every day.
4. Make wise eating choices and use restraint.
5. When you hit a plateau. Push through.
I'm back!!
I was intrigued by Cro's recent blog featuing a UFO. Reminds me of the time, in the late 70's that Sky Lab was predicted to fall from space and land somewhere in NZ. It actually crashed into the wilds of Australia but I will never forget opening our bedroom curtains on that fateful day.
We had just put down a new lawn and were proud of the fact that fresh green grass was begining to emerge.
Peering through the window I gasped at the sight before me. There was Sky Lab in all its glory. The bottom of an old washing machine,SKY LAB USA, painted boldly on its side, he whole contraption half buried in my beatiful sward. Topped by an anscient TV arial and USA flag. A great practical joke by a crazy friend of ours.
I was thinking UFO's and came across an old photo of our daughter and grandkids, that you may find interesting. Have a close look at the gun barrel, if that's not a face in there...
Monday, September 9, 2013
Greetings from NZ. Land of milk powder (we are not talking about it) and honey ( even our bees are feeling poorly)Well we are not perfect... not even 100% pure.
But we can play rugby and our sailors are doing ok in the America's cup.
As for me and my darling... we are thriving on life at the Lake. M busy painting, me still catching bigger and bigger rainbow trout.
In other words, in case you were wondering, we are still very much alive and kicking. Spa pool, Merlot and Grandkids keeping us young.
Monday, April 8, 2013
We often catch sight of shooting stars, some are spectacular but if you blink you miss them.
Now I have written this I can hear my friends saying...'For goodness sakes, get a life'. Oh well, retirement has its quieter moments and I have to say...life is pretty darn good. (We also play a lot of scrabble...sorry!)
Friday, April 5, 2013
Proof that men do not look you in the eye!
No doubt in my mind that the most amusing incident of recent years was when a lady bid for the wrong house. The auction took place in rooms at the real estate office.
I was auctioning a house in a none too beautiful district. Sadly the property was being put up as a bank forced sale. The reserve price laid down by the bank (but not disclosed to the potential purchasers) was very realistic and although the house was in an undesirable location and badly in need of TLC, much interest was generated.
The auction got under way with three buyers keenly bidding. One lady had arrived late and missed out on hearing the reading of the conditions of sale. However the real estate salesperson knew the woman and assured me that she had been into the office a few days prior and had received a copy of the conditions.
One bidder dropped out and I was left with two ladies, the late comer and a younger woman. The late comer out-bid the younger and I bought the hammer down with a flourish...sold.
I thanked the people for their attendance, wished them all the best for the coming week-end and heard the agent (Russell) congratulate the successful bidder, adding that he was sure she would be very happy in her new property at Awefultown.
I heard the scream!! could not think for the life of me what the matter was, then heard the distraught buyer say...'Oh God! my husband will kill me.'
Turns out the property she wanted was to be auctioned by me on the following week, she got all befumbled and bid on the wrong day for the wrong house.
Rules are rules and mistake or not, the poor lady would have to buy the house. Unless we could track down the under-bidder, the younger lady.
Now here's the thing. Normally an agent will be aware of the names of all the bidders. This time the agent failed. At first, this did not appear to be a problem because Russell explained that he had been able to get a good look at the lady and could identify her, only problem being that he had not been looking at her face. Apparently the lady was well endowed and that was all the agent had focused on.
Out into the street he went, (not a big town) to find a lady whose mammary measured up to his memory.
Yes he found the lady! She bought the property for five thousand dollars less than the auction price, and, thanks to a very sympathetic bank, the bidder was able to face her husband.
MEN !!!
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Home owners liberated from financial death grip
Monday, March 25, 2013
Where has it all gone?
Sarah, our eldest has managed to shed an amazing 70 plus kilos. She has done this through sheer hard work, walking long distances every day and watching her diet; not touching one of those many weird diet fads that cost you the earth and get you back to where you started.
I watched her finish a quarter marathon last week. Amazing effort she looked fantastic and came in well up in the field. Yes she used to be a big girl but now has not only changed her looks, lifestyle and outlook on life...through her facebook site (sarahandandrewcrawfoski) and a weight loss blogg (weighout), Sarah is helping many ladies with the same problem.
Our son, Matthew was also a big boy. Tall (well over six foot) but very over weight. That was five years ago. You should see him now! Matt shed 53kilo by the same method...just walking, and he has kept the weight off.
We will not talk about the parents!!! who have now become the larger members of the family. Yes, we must do more walking.
What I did wonder was... When folk go to the gym and say they have lost a couple of pounds or a kilo or three, WHERE DID ALL THAT FAT GO?
Is it hovering around in the ether, lying somewhere in big splodgy lumps or is someone employed to gather up the stuff. Is there a 'waste' management department a greenie who swipes every fallen kilo of overweightedness and turns it into bio fuel.
Oh well, something to think about.
Saturday, March 23, 2013
'Look!! Timmy has sniffed out a secret door, perhaps if we pull this overhanging branch three times it will open... stop it Timmy' said Julian... 'stop doing that to my leg...'
'Come on George', said Dick,
'No sha'nt' grumbled George, 'Anne and I are going to see Aunt Fannie, she has promised us lashings of ginger beer...'
Anyway, this has nothing at all to do with my desire to once again begin blogging. Sadly the only person reading my blog has gone on holiday and I an sure that having found my scribblings covered in cobwebs he has given up in disgust.
New Zealand is currently draught distressed. All provinces now declared a drought zone and most councils have instigated water rations. Poor old farmers are suffering but the tourists are having a hiho time... best summer for many years.
We are now living midway betwixt Rotorua and our old stomping ground, Whakatane. Lake Rotoma, which is known as the gin lake (nothing to do with mothers ruin) due to its pristine water is looking wonderful. The summer revelers with their wretched surf skis, thumping music and shrieking kids on their bouncy water biscuits, have all but disappeared. This fact has raised the timid rainbow trout from the deep and onto my Tasmanian Devil lure. Caught a 57cm beauty yesterday, smoked it with a bit of salt and brown sugar... Deee liciousss.
Tomorrow is roading day. We have a long drive to our elevated house site. It is so rough by the time I get from the house to the main road I have to put my teeth back into my mouth. My wife, who is fed up with the bouncing, has become so damaged by it all that she failed her warrant of fitness and will need a rebore.
So we will be raking and spreading shingle, grading it with Andrew's (son -in-law) digger and mixing dry cement in with the top few centimeters. We tried this system once before and as long as you put plenty of water onto the drive having compressed it thoroughly, you end up with a very firm surface.
That's about it for now but for anyone who is interested (is there anyone out there?) I have written a historical/fiction novel. Set in England in the Mid sixteen hundreds. I will put a couple of chapters onto the blog 'home page'.
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
maureen and I have moved yet again. This time ( I believe it is move number 31) we reside in a small cottage over looking glorious Lake Rotoma in the Bay of Plenty district of North Island New Zealand.
M having reached the signifficant age is now drawing a well earned pension and God bless her for that!!
Our days are spent fishing for trout, landscape painting, golf at the local course and playing scrabble. The latter of which leaves me as the dumb loser nine times out of ten.
The spa pool (hot tub ) is up and running and following our nightly ritual of lying in the altogether staring at the night sky, we have noticed a sudden lack of bird and insect life and often hear the odd possum or wallaby screaming in fright at the sight of our nakedness.
Life is pretty grand, although we wonder how we had time to work. Our days are full to overflowing and best of all we live a mere 35 minutes drive from our children and numerous grandies.
hope all is well with whoever reads this, catch you next time.
Friday, May 25, 2012
what's happening
Received an email from a friend warning me of credit card theft. Think it best to pass on this info.
WARNING
There are, as you are aware many dastardly rogues who keep coming up with cunning plans to steal our money. Be aware of inovative schemes such as...
When you hand over your card at a restaurant or wherever the swines switch your card, give you back a similar type (which invariably you do not check) and promptly steal all your money. They have also been known to take a photo of your card unbeknown to you. So the message is to always check that your own card has been returned.
We have just had our annual budget from the National Party Government.
Has anyone noticed that the opposition parties always jump up in arms against the changes made but never come up with alternatives... that really bugs me.
On a lighter note I am still enjoying extremely successful trout fishing and some very bad golf.
Maureen and I are coming up for our 45th anniversary on July 15th. Aint that something!!
Saturday, March 10, 2012
The hedgehog syndrome
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Glassie lost his glasses
Trolling for that elusive super trout on the lake, I was delighted when he struck hard onto my black and gold 'Toby' lure. Almost landed the little beauty when he leapt out of the water and took off at an exciting pace. His tail splashed water onto my specs so I hurriedly took them off and chucked them up onto the boat's canvas canopy which was folded up at the time.
Got so busy landing the fish and; believe it or not, ran the same line a second time and caught his identicle twin, when it started to rain, put the canopy up which catipulted the specs $600 worth into the lake.
Good old insurance saved the day and have gained on the deal because I discovered three days later that those specs actually landed in the transome of the boat, hidden under the outboard motor.
Result.... Two beautiful trout and now proud owner of two pairs of $600 specs.
Thursday, December 29, 2011

Wednesday, December 14, 2011
farm sitting

Oh boy,
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
LET THERE BE LIGHT
He’s done it again. We hoped he might exercise a modicum of restraint this time but when I spied him precariously balanced on his roof, I said to my wife, ‘looks like he’s checking the Christmas lights.’
Our neighbour has once more demonstrated to the whole street, nay to the whole of our town, that Ex- pat. Canadians really know how to illuminate. Now do not misunderstand me, I am all for the traditional seasonal celebrations, however when it is reported that our neighbours massive array of coloured lights, wreaths, flashing Santa and nodding reindeers is numbered, along with China’s great wall as one of the only two earthly landmarks visible from outer space, one has to wonder at the sense of it.
Now you are thinking that I am a mean old scrooge, and what’s wrong with festooning ones abode from gutter to garden and all points in between with New Zealand’s answer to Las Vegas; the city that never sleeps. And you would be right except for the fact that as soon as the lights are turned on we become the neighbours who never sleep. You see this Canadian chap, arrived in New Zealand with all his Christmas illuminations fully prepared to brighten the Southern hemisphere. Unfortunately, he had been kept in the dark regarding the fact that Canadian power outage is not compatible with ours. There is no way he would be able to plug his 110volts into our 240v system. This was a shocking revelation to the gentleman but he re-fused to pull the plug on turning his home into a cross between the milky-way and the Christmas Coca cola advertisement.
‘A converter’ I hear you say, a gadget that will simply allow the Canadian system to up-grade into New Zealand system. Brilliant. ‘Watt? Says my neighbour, ‘I have a far better plan, one that will cost me next to nothing, will not drain the national grid and will allow me to run my lights from 9pm to 11pm every evening for the twelve days of Christmas.
His plan, unlike his lights, is not very bright. He has installed a generator, a noisy, drumming motor that thumps out its monotonous droning from his corrugated iron roofed garage, situated a mere seven paces from my deck. Gone are those special evenings of peaceful fellowship and quiet reflection that my wife and I so much enjoy. The reflection is certainly there from 9 to 11 but peaceful... no way.
To be fair, he’s not a bad neighbour and it is a time of good will and peace amongst men. So we have come up with a plan that will not only allow us to celebrate with a Christian attitude but will counteract the constant hum from his dreadful machine. We will put our speakers on our deck, and wind Susan Boyle up to the utmost decibels; that ought to do the trick...power to the people !
Monday, December 5, 2011
Uncle Boris will not get a Christmas card this year...
To tell you the truth, we are re-thinking the whole jolly business!!
Christmas has crept up on us and as I put pen to paper, not a single card has been written, not a tree felled and not a cake baked. We have received some cards, I had no idea that the local bank liked us enough to wish us Seasons Greetings and a prosperous New Year. I am surprised they missed our anniversary and birthdays. You begin to realise that the whole world has gone completely balmy when you receive a, ‘Have a happy Christmas’ greeting, from someone who will actually be sharing Christmas day with you. The whole business has become stressful to the max. Do we send Great Uncle Boris one out of the budget pack or an expensive one with lovely words? Who actually reads the words? It crosses our minds that maybe we should follow our English friends’ example and support a worthwhile cause. Will anyone notice that we have spent a small fortune on a card supporting the ‘Outer Mongolia, dumb animals trust, for the preservation of three legged Yaks’, I doubt it.
Then there is the dreaded Christmas card entrapment. Although we have not actually seen this lovely couple since the eighties, for two decades Christmas cards have been religiously dispatched between New Zealand and the USA. Hallmark have made a fortune out of us.
I am now beginning to doubt that the couple in question are still with us. I am thinking that their annual festive card is now in the hands of a ghost writer. Over recent years their Christmas greetings have given a strong hint that we are not first on their ‘people to keep in touch with’ list.
They actually missed us out in 2004, although we sent them a very expensive card which had a lot of glittery stuff and played jingle bells when opened. We wiped them out in 2005 but were surprised to receive one from them, a very small card in a used envelope, we think it was the same envelope that had contained the jingle bells card. They did write a Christmas message, something about their Afghan hound dieing after attacking and eating our musical card. Apparently the poor animal was allergic to the glittery stuff and succumbed to a fatal attack of tinsel-itus. They signed their names as Mr. and Mrs. which seemed quite formal. Of course we sent them one in 2006 because they remembered us the year before. We removed them from the list in 2007 but were horrified when we got one from them. It arrived too late for us to reciprocate prior to Christmas. I remember we opened the card together and you know those times when a husband and wife say the same word at the same time… well, ‘bastards’!! was probably a bit strong. Anyway, just to pee them off we sent them an Easter card. That seems to have done the trick, a shame to lose touch with such good friends….
I am a bit concerned about the Santa Claus business. Having told our Grandchildren not to talk to strangers, I have a twinge of concern when forcing them to sit on the lap of a strange, big fat , bearded, red person. Something is telling me Oh Oh Oh . I did hear about a small child who went into Farmers mega store and was asked by Santa what he wanted for Christmas, he told him. The very same day the child met Santa in The Warehouse store; same question, same answer. That evening the child and his mum happened to be at a Christmas party. Once again Santa asked the child what he wanted for Christmas. The child was growing weary of all this and spoke to Santa in a loud voice,
‘I’ve told you what I want three times, why don’t you write it down’. It’s true, there are so many Santa’s about there is a real danger of kids becoming Claus-trophobic.
(A special blessing to Cro and his Cronies who writes an amazing blog about the wonders of nature, the beauty and happenings in his little French corner of the World. Happy Christmas my old school chum. I was reminiscing and recall that when we were at The Abbey School as small people in short trousers we (along with Michael Coles) established ourselves as a disruptive mischeveous little band who called themselves 'The Imps'. May we still be a little naughty, laugh 'till we cry and thank God for the whole jolly business of life.
God bless you and your family as you celebrate the birth of Jesus, the greatest gift of all.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Thankfully a generous local farmer (we farm sit for him and his wife when they holiday) has offered us a hogget (year old lamb) I helped with the butchering and we ended up with 25kilos for $80. Brilliant!! and enough meat to share with our family.
Oil from the stricken tanker (It's as big as two rugby pitches) has now reached the beautiful East Cape and some of the offshore Islands. They have managed to pump out 100 tonnes of gue but still 1100 tonnes to go!!
NZ all set to win the Rugby World Cup this week-end but we are all aware that the French team is very capable and may well have a few crafty tricks up their sleeves. Look out for sneaky drop goals.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Rugby World cup.
What a great game, tonight its NZ verses our arch rivals 'The Aussies'. No prizes for guessing who we are supporting.
Meanwhile I have joined the thousands of volunteers ready to clean oil off the beaches if our coast is affected. So far so good, the weather has been kind and pumps are being put in place to extract (marmite like) fuel from the stricken tanker which is a mere 12k off Tauranga Harbour.
What a pack of wallies, how on earth, with modern gps systems they managed to hit that reef no one can figure. Anyway it must be NZ turn for a sea disaster and I always wanted to say that 'I was in oil', so am waiting for the call to arms.
Found a dead frog on the drive today, hope I didn't run it over. And I thought they had all disappeared. Perhaps it is a sign that if NZ play France in the rugby final......guess what?!!!


